Eva Lind then and now

I just started using my Nikon camera again and found some pictures of Eva Lind that I hadn´t seen for a while.  Oh my gosh she was so little not too long ago, but looking at the pictures I feel like it's been ages!  

I just wanted to put some pictures here to show how much she's changed in such a short amount of time!  My little cutie pie ahhh

Just born! Still at the hospital.

One week old with grandma and grandpa

Two weeks old

One month and one week

Almost 2 months

2 months and one week

Almost 3 months 

3 months old

My little Christmas smurf 

4 months old - starting to sit

4 months and 2 weeks - First Carnival

My first Carnival party - with auntie Justina

Almost 5 months - Ouch those teeth hurt!

5 months - I got 2 teeth already :) 

I love standing in my cube! 

Bip bip - biiip biiip - biiiiiiiiiiiip biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

Anyone living here in Recife knows what I'm talking about as they read the subject of this post!  

The culture of honking one's horn. All. The. Time.

"Bip" is acceptable.  Even a "Bip bip" if the person in front of you is doing something completely wrong or against traffic rules.  

But here in this "everythinghastohappenrightnow" city, there is no "bip" or "bip bip".  The first honk is already a "biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip" 

They even honk their football team´s song like it's the most beautiful sound in the world.  

"Bi bi, bi bi, bi bi bi bi bi bi, bi bi, bi bi, bi bi".  (not exaggerating!)

Tense situation...

Look at this picture.  The light is about to turn green, right?  Would you honk already at the driver in front of you even before it turns green?  If you live in Recife chances are the person behind you would! 

I honestly forgot and/or don't know how honking one's horn is looked upon in Iceland and the USA nowadays?  Is it a normal thing or is it considered rude?

I should be used to this by now after living here for 7 years right?!  But after having a baby that doesn't like to take more than 30 minute naps, things change a bit...  Also, having a neighbor that drives a "VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" Harley Davidson motorcycle WITH a radio installed (to be able to listen to a radio with all that noise already going on, one must turn the volume WAY up) things can get a bit sour.  Of course he usually comes home about 10 minutes after Eva Lind has fallen asleep at night and yes, poor thing has woken up to this noise many times (it's just THAT loud!).  

I was once venting on Facebook about how loud the world has become after having a baby and someone gave me the advice not to always put her down to in total silence and/or in a dark place.  I can see the benefits of this advice yes, and luckily she can fall asleep with some noise although she doesn´t fall asleep as easily when it's bright in the room.  On the other hand, when I see poor little Eva Lind with bags under her red eyes looking like a Zombie finally sleeping, keeping it loud and bright is NOT the first thing that comes to mind!!

Another "fun" fact:  They started remodeling a house right in front of us in August last year and from Monday - Sunday (starting at 7am often on weekends) it's been constant noise of breaking down walls, mixing cement, hammering, breaking glass etc.. Ohh, all that fun stuff!  Hopefully they'll be done soon because not only does the noise sometimes drive us a little cray cray, we've also had to deal with a lot of dust flying in through the windows - YaY!

((I just finished reading through my post and oh boy do I sound like a nagging cranky old housewife hahahaha  (O-O)

I never knew I could be so sensitive to noise, but I guess it's just the mommy in me that knows how important it is for Eva Lind to sleep!  And it's hard to sleep when there's people constantly honking, construction going on right in front of our building, and a Harley Davidson with a radio super loud passing by! 
Oh and did I mention how much some people love fireworks here?  For no reason at all they'll start lighting up those really annoying small ones that explode on the street and just make noise.  Hrmpf. 

Honestly, it's not fair that I turn into a slow motion ninja after Eva Lind falls asleep and the whole words seems to turn into a super loud heavy metal concert right outside my window!  (hahaha I'm of course exaggerating a little and "perhaps" venting a bit).  

I need this sign!

This picture pretty much summarizes my post!

Well, that´s it for now! I hope you enjoyed this post! 

 L8er G8er

Anxiety #%"#"%

I never had anxiety in my life until about a year and a half ago.  Those who know me can probably understand what caused this anxiety.  
After my first panic attack I decided to see a psychiatrist and he prescribed a magic pill which helped a lot.  It removed those 5 elephants sitting on my chest and the dagger stuck in my back (that's how I felt on my worst days).  
When I got pregnant last year I had to stop taking this magic pill and things were OK for a while.
  

Until Eva Lind was born and holding this little precious life in my hands I started seeing danger in every corner!

  Seriously... every corner \(O.O)/ 

It wasn't a constant feeling, but out of the blue it'd hit me.  I'd be walking around with her in our living room for example and get close to the window (we live on the 8th floor).  All of a sudden I'd get the feeling that we could somehow fall out the window or somehow she'd slip out of my arms and fall.  

Michael did obviously NOT suffer from anxiety!  

Some days are worse than others and I'll admit that after getting robbed around 2 moths after having her did NOT help.  I was THANK GOD alone with our doggie, Penny, who didn't even growl at the punk - that's how quickly this happened.  I was almost coming home from a walk at the beach in the afternoon and I'd seen this suspicious guy on a bike staring at this woman trying to cross the street really close by.  She was wearing a fancy bag and I knew he wanted to snitch it.  He passed by me and I felt relieved but a second later I felt someone tapping me on my shoulder.  As I looked back he had a huge steel kitchen knife in my face and told me to hand him what I was holding, which wasn't even anything as fancy as the bag that woman was carrying!  I was holding a tiny blue plastic bag (that's my strategy btw to NOT get robbed - not carry anything fancy hrmpf).  Inside the bag there was Penny's brush and a little coconut wallet with my credit card, my CPF card (social security - it will be a nightmare getting a new one) and some money (50 reais).  All I could think at the moment was "I hope he doesn't get pissed at me for having so little to give and decides to stab me!"  You see, they do kill people here for having old cell phones and they do tell people to take off their shoes and clothes if they don't have anything else to "offer".  I ran home looking angrily at the empty streets thinking where in the hell the cops were.  
So getting robbed did NOT help my anxiety.  
It took me almost 2 months to feel safe walking with her again even with Penny and Filipe with us.  Sucks :(  

The fear of dropping her still pops up now and again but thankfully it's getting better!  (anyone else had this awful feeling??)

  

I see danger everywhere and I know that this is somewhat "normal" for a first time parent and that, yes, she will fall one day and there will be blood and she will cry and that no, it won´t be the end of the world.  (hopefully!)

But the thought of seeing my little one bleeding is not something I'm looking forward to!  It is of course inevitable, although I'll do my best to make sure she doesn't get into too much of a trouble! The fact that she´s in such a hurry to do things (already sitting and standing) tells me we are in for some action!  

My anxiety comes from my life changing so drastically in a blink of an eye.  Which it did when I lost Davi.  It made me see how unpredictable life is and yes, sometimes extremely cruel, and you never know what tomorrow (or even today) will bring.  You know how people say "Don't worry, nothing bad will happen"?  Well, I just can't say that anymore and really mean it..   Unfortunately.  

So when I finally had Eva Lind in my arms, this beautiful and fragile little baby, I just felt so helpless.  And I´ll admit that I am still a bit overprotective (just ask poor Filipe).

Luckily I'm very much aware of my condition and I am seeing a psychologist to help me deal with this.  I know Eva Lind can pick up on my mood and feelings so I try my best to keep calm and focused and not let her feel this anxiety.  

  

Today I got an email from Parents Daily talking about "Separation Anxiety" and of course I thought they were giving us mothers advice on how to cope with leaving our baby at home with someone else.  Nobb.. The article is about how to calm the baby (the REAL baby haha) down during this separation!  

I hope you don't think I´m a lost case here after reading this post or that I spend my days biting my fingernails and avoiding the outside world.  I promise you that we spend most our days playing and laughing and having fun and we really enjoy going for walks, singing music, listening to pabbi play the guitar and dancing. 

Learning how to play the Ukulele

Going for a walk in the sling

Eva Lind is the BEST that ever happened to me and I WILL conquer this anxiety one day for once and for all!  

Well, that´s it for now! I hope you enjoyed this post! 

L8er G8er

Unconditional love